And Now, A Letter to Singles Ward Members

First of all, hello world, and --woah. I was not expecting that kind of response to "A Letter to Singles Ward Bishops".

Second of all, see! I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way!

Third of all, we need to talk.

Now, all that I said about bishops in singles wards is true. I stand by it 100%. That being said, I now have a few words to say to the (apparently massive) group of young single adults-- or perhaps not-so-young single adults-- that responded to my implied, "Can I get an amen?"

Judging by the comments on the original post, many of us are feeling so completely overwhelmed/bullied/misunderstood/undervalued that we are finding ourselves gravitating toward what admittedly appear at times to be greener pastures. Let me start by saying, yeah. I see where you're coming from. You're right. Living the gospel has its inherent challenges, but rising to to the occasion of avoiding vices, bridling passions, magnifying callings and giving up forever sexy underwear only to be met with mangled messages about the worth of your soul and how it relates to your marital status is bunk at best. When you leave what should be the feet of our Savior each week with a head full of undesired marital advice and a solid set of spiritual empty calories, it's enough to make anyone indignant. 



You have every right to be frustrated, disheartened, upset and to want things to change. I am right there with you! However, this business about sitting back silently bitter, skulking off or angrily exiting in search of a better life, we've got to knock that off.

I come from a very large family where I am the only kid who still attends church. My siblings who have deliberately left the church have chosen lives that suit them. They are moral, conscientious folks who have found peace in the way they live. I love them and am happy for them. As for me, I have certainly run the gamete  in terms of questioning my faith. (When you have 11 siblings and two parents that have left the church it's kind of inevitable.) All that is to say, I understand and respect that some of you feel a legitimate need to leave the church. I wish you luck in your lives and sincerely hope you find peace-- but this post is about the people who, in their heart of hearts, at the end of every day and after a long week of discouragement find solace and replenishing in the doctrines of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. This post is for the people like me.

If you get discouraged over the marriage pressure issue, getting kicked out of your ward because you're "too old", have gotten divorced and have no idea where you fit in or are otherwise feeling disgruntled with cultural elements of this church that is incomprehensibly expansive in scope but sometimes incredibly narrow minded and always will be imperfect, this is what I have to say to you:

1. God knows you on a deeper level than is presently fathomable to the mortal mind. He is aware of this moment in your life and He will not leave you. This I know for sure.

2. You are not alone. Not only is God there, but sitting in your congregation each week there are people --and often not the ones you'd expect-- who are having similar experiences to yours.

3. When it seems no one notices, no one understands, and no one cares, God does. Your efforts are neither wasted nor unwitnessed.

4.  This church so desperately needs you to be present, invested, involved and vocal.

Think this through for a moment. If in every ward the people who feel the way you and I do keep their mouths shut and walk away in search of the magical land of Truth Minus Cultural Mishaps, how will the culture of the church ever shift to live up to the doctrinal mandates? How will any of us feel less alone? How can any of us survive? 

5. We cannot always rely on outside sources to contribute to our spiritual well being.

It shouldn't be this way. It's not fair. It's not what we or the natural man in us want. I'm convinced it's not really what God has in mind either. He favors a Zion like society. However, it is Godly to take seriously the responsibility for nourishing ourselves spiritually, and we can do it with God's help, even when it's a spiritual party of two. Trust me. If God and I can pull me up by my bootstraps after the year 2012 in my life, you can make it through your rivers of sorrow too.

So this week, get in touch with God and when you do, ask Him how He feels about you. Ask Him if He loves you less for being single or childless or for having your addictions. Ask Him if He knows what's in your heart, then ask Him who around you uniquely needs your help. Open your mind and heart and listen. Then, no matter what anyone says this Sunday about marriage or babies or age or their spiritual experience on their jet ski, remember how you feel with God. Remember that all God's kids are mortal (including you and me), and remember that you have a right to be where you are, to feel how you feel and to have your own personal relationship with Heavenly Father. Walk tall in your little patch of the vineyard, and stop looking for the door. We need you. I need you. The church and the world need you to let your light so shine.